idiot box

are we doomed to live our lives more worried about who is sleeping with who on grey's anatomy? or why does paula abdul always seem so strung out? what oprah has decided to hide under her audiences' seats? or how many times jack bauer will kick someone else in the face during one hour-long episode of 24. Obviously, it has a hold of me to. But while we walk around everyday, sometimes oblivious to everything around us, we wonder, why can't someone worry about me. Why can't someone count how many times I kick someone in the face in the next hour. The truth is, we aren't that interesting. The standards of our view of reality are so unrealistic, that when we learn we cannot attain them, the let down can be terrible. When we realize that instead of living in a house with 7 strangers, where my biggest duty is to get drunk and make a fool of myself for other people to watch, we have to actually get a job.. and work for a living. It hurts.

In truth, we just aren't that interesting. Compared to Jack bauer at least. We all dream of lives where we are rockstars, or FBI agents, or safari photographers, but wheat it boils down to is that we all lean back. we stay safe, not testing the waters. Perhpas the only way to be like jack Bauer, is to actually WANT to be like Jack Bauer. And act accordingly. So go out on the street, find someone who you think looks suspicious, and tackle them. you can always claim citizen;s arrest. But just remember, identify your target before you throw a roundhouse chuck norris style towards their head.

Television governs us. It sets our daily schedule, it tells us where to eat, what to eat, who to like and who to hate. It tells us who to vote for, what clothes to buy, and which truck will make us more of a man. Toby Keith says Ford. As I grow to be a parent, I hope that somehow I can steer my children clear of the eminent doom to which they are destined for. I wonder what I would be like if I had never seen a television up until this point. Would I need the glasses that i wear? Would I have purchased all those clothes all through-out Jr. High? Would I know almost every episode of The O.C. by heart? most certainly not the latter. But would that be a life worth living? Not being able to find inside of someone else's reality for one hour. To escpae the mundane, for the extraordinary. We all are guilty.

But just remember, not matter what Toby Keith tells you, or how many times you hear John Mellancamp sing "Our Country", your truck won't make you more of a man. or more of an american. it really boils down to one statement.

"It's not the size of the truck, it's the size of the arms hanging out the window."

it's funny sometimes. how dependent we are on others. how utterly incapable we are as humans to rely on ourselves for almost anything we do. my greatest fear is being alone. not having another peron to confide in, to laugh with, to cry with, and to hold. human contact is a must, for all. anyone who has ever sat alone in your room, knows the feeling i'm talking about. sometimes, solitude can help us, but after a while, it only ends up haunting us. so again, while i sit here alone in my room typing this, i'm longing. i need to learn to appreciate myself. really love myself. not just the things that are attractive, but the things that are ugly as well. only then, i think, will the pressure to have someone else, truly lift away. when i can love myself for who i am, i am then free to love someone else for exactly who they are.

and by the way, don't ever feel like you have no where to go. if it really comes down to it, pack up some clothing, and just drive. we have more freedom than we think we do. all of us are constricted by different things, whether it be work, school, significant other, but deep inside all of us there will always be the instinct to want to be free. or maybe just more free than we think we are. just go. don't think twice. just go.